Friday, August 5, 2011

Whoops! More about my boobs!

Just got informed that I forgot to mention the approach I chose for my surgery. Teehee. 


Going into the planning with the surgeon I had wanted axillary (armpit) incisions and completely sub-muscular implants. After meeting with my doctor twice we decided that we are going to do the incision at the bottom of the areola. The implants will be under the pectoral muscles, but not under all the muscles. It will be a "partial" job. Ha ha ha. Okay, might not be the best term, but that's what I'm going for. There are many reasons for this decision.

#1: My surgeon suggested it. I'm not gonna lie. If the man (or woman) who's going to cut you up tells you a way that they think will look the best... just go with it. They know more about what they're talking about than you do. No matter how many books you've read or blogs you've perused, you have no idea (unless of course you're a surgeon as well). Also, they know what approach they're most comfortable with to achieve the look you want.

#2: Surgeon explained that going through the axillary tissue is more traumatic (more digging around in tissue), more difficult to see what you're doing and where things are going, and... there's a risk of increased sweating. EWWW. I'm sweaty enough. (Sorry for that tidbit of TMI, but I run at an unusually high temperature).  I researched around a little more and realized that the findings about the areolar incisions weren't that scary. I don't have much in the way of "sensation" anyway so I'm not really concerned with the "decreased sensitivity" that can happen in like 5% of women. The nerve structures that attach to the nipples actually come around from a woman's back. The incision is made at the base of the areola and goes down. Talking to my fabulous roommate of awesomeness who has been a BSN for 15 plus years, most of those years being an OR nurse (part of them with a plastic surgeon) made me less than nervous. Also... more comfortable with surgeon suggestion. I want him to be able to see where he's putting my boob. I picked him for the realistic and absolutely beautiful breasts he creates. I'm going to have to listen to him on how he creates them.

#3: I don't have enough breast tissue to obtain the breast shape I love (that looks the most natural) if I got the implant completely under the chest muscles. There's just not enough there. My surgeon is going to have to do a procedure (that is very common) that has the bottom of the implant not under the muscle to achieve the realistic looking breast. Otherwise I would end up with torpedo tits. And I'm not having that. No way, no how. So, once again, bowing to the wisdom of the double board-certified physician who makes beautiful hurraybies. 

#4: I don't remember if I mentioned it, but I'm getting silicone. They now make the breasts with a gel (as opposed to the liquid filled implants that were banned several years ago). They feel more realistic, they don't ripple nearly as much, less likelihood of popping, and... the coolest thing... the cohesive gel doesn't go anywhere if it is lacerated. My surgeon showed me one that he intentionally slit a LARGE slit in. He squeezed it and the gel pushed out in a weird gel-hemorrhage thing. Then, when he released the pressure, the gel sucked right back in. There is not much risk there. I am comfortable with that. And, once again, I don't have enough tissue up there to make saline the optimal choice. When you have as thin of breast tissue as I do, if you put the saline in, it can ripple all over the place just from normal movement. I don't really want to look like I have a water bed strapped to my ribcage, so I'm just going to pass on that.

So there you have it. Sorry I forgot those crucial bits as I was talking about my future boobies.

Things I Had to Consent To So I Could Get Boobs

So, yesterday I skimmed over how my pre-op appointment went with my surgeon. I giggled, I laughed, I tried on many different breasts. And then we got down to the nitty gritty... PAPERWORK! Paperwork is the biggest part of any surgery preparation. Believe me, I know. Plastic surgeons have it easy, they don't have to jump through any insurance hoops.

With America being the way that it is, litigious, most doctors have to protect themselves with a few things. 1) A good insurance policy, 2) Carefully documented cases, and 3) CONSENT FORMS. Now, almost all consent forms have the same basic contents: "You realize that there are risks with being cut open, you realize that there are risks with anesthesia, and, you realize that shit can go wrong even in the best circumstances." I'm used to those forms, I give them out all the time. I can only imagine how women must feel reading our forms that say, "by the way, there's a chance we might perforate your uterus." I don't normally feel nervous about anything I'm having a doctor do to me, and I'm normally confused with why I have patients calling me in a panic about minor procedures they're having done. Then I went to my own Pre-Op.

I had four or five pages of consents to initial and sign on. I hadn't been worried about any of these scenarios before, but looking at them in writing for some reason made them more real. Luckily I had my friend with me who has a similar sense of humor to mine and we giggled over the consent forms (my coping mechanism). I was fairly shocked/amused at some of the things I had to acknowledge... 

"Stretch marks may occur after surgery." Woah, woah, woah... stretch marks? When my boobs grow? You don't say! There I was thinking that all those lines from when I was 12 were a freak occurrence and had nothing to do with the fact that my boobs doubled in size overnight.

"Unsatisfactory Cosmetic Result - you may not be pleased or satisfied with your result." Um... you mean that you can't give me a guarantee that my dream of being a EEE cup will look right on me? I want my money back.

"Your perception of what you expect to look like or your proportions and size may seem different from what you imagined or perceived prior to surgery. You may feel or look like a different person." I'm going to look different after I buy tits? And I will be surprised? You're acting like I'm going to go to sleep and wake up with a different body. Oh wait... I am.

"Loss of interest in sex by your or you partner may occur." HAHAHAHA!!!! You're saying that after I have my chest cut open and a pair of water balloons shoved under the muscles and then sewn back together, I might not be interested in sex? And my partner might not want to have sex with me if I all of a sudden have weeping wounds and bandages all over my chest? Say it isn't so!

"Synmastia is when the implants and capsules connect across the midline to look like one learge breast. This is rare, and very difficult to correct." Okay, I didn't know about that possibility going in. I could get uniboob? DAYUM! Then again, some guys might dig uniboob. Maybe I should start wearing a sports bra to artificially create uniboob and see if it works.  

And then there's my favorite of all of the things I had to sign. It might have even been the first thing I had to initial:

"There are alternative procedures such as padding a bra, taking hormones, breast pump, or doing nothing." Really? You're saying I could wear a padded bra or do nothing? I don't have to pay 8k for new boobs? I never would've thought about that! Are there really women being forced into plastic surgeons' offices to have their breasts augmented against their will? Or without their knowledge of other forms of "treatment"???

Okay, there you go. A small snippet of some of the exciting things you too could sign if you felt the need to buy your own pair of boobs. But don't worry, you don't have to buy boobs. There are other options. Like a padded bra. They left out tissue paper....

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Let's Talk About Boobs!

I have been pretty lax in the "documenting" of my boob job. I will try to pick it up. Next week you should expect to hear a lot of, "Owie! My chest hurts!" Or something along those lines at the very least. 

I've had two appointments with my surgeon so far. The first was the consult where he told me how amazing I was, and then let me try on boobs. I was like a kid in a candy shop. I got to put on a stretchy bra and was then loaded up with implants to see about where they'd fall. We found my happy place with a full C cup. I'm a tall girl, so everything else just kinda stuck with the whole "looking kinda sad" category. He made me try a size bigger after that. WOAH! I'm not gonna lie, there was a tiny little part of me that clapped her hands and squealed, "ooh! Boobs!! They're HUGE!" But, the rest of me said, "Really Phoebe? You look ridiculous." So I politely asked to see the smaller size again.

Two days ago I had my Pre-Op appointment. My surgeon had been urging me to bring someone with me, but I don't really have anyone in San Francisco. I know maybe three people, all of them men, none of them know me like that, and... AWKWARD.
"Excuse me, would you like to come help me pick out my new rack?" HA!

So, I was all ready to go to my Pre-Op alone when I got a phone call from a guy I dated for maybe two months earlier this year. He was in town and wanted to get dinner Tuesday night. I said sure, would you mind going to my pre-op with me first? So... there I was. Getting my boobs measured with my ex. HA! It was nice though. I need someone to giggle with to get through difficult situations, so it was fantastic to have someone with a similar sense of humor to mine with me. Also, it was nice to have another set of eyes checking out the size of rack I was considering. My surgery is on Monday. That's four days from today. 

The week before the surgery isn't fun at all, I might add! My surgeon has cut me off from my four favorite food groups: Booze, Sugar, Carbs, and Salt. WTF?!?! I am dying here. Not only am I basically on a liquid diet of smoothies (I know fruit has sugar, I don't give a shit... it's not pasta), but I'm like an old lady with my pills. I take a HANDFUL of vitamins every morning and evening. And that's on top of my regular meds. Then I started a super Vitamin K pill yesterday, and will be adding two more pills on Sunday, and then the antibiotics. I feel like I should get myself one of those desk-sized pill organizers and organize them by color. 

The whole situation has been fairly smooth sailing. There have only been a couple snags. One of the snags happened when I noticed that my credit card had been compromised online last weekend. What?! For sixty dollars. Really?? You're going to make me disrupt my whole life over sixty fricking dollars on iTunes??? GAH! So I had to juggle around how I was paying for things and will just have to do a couple balance transfers later. But, whatever. No biggie. 

The other thing I had trouble with was arranging someone to pick me up. I am lucky in the fact that I have an awesome friend who will come pick me up and stay with me until my awesome roommate of awesomeness gets home to make fun of me and my bra of frozen peas. I probably won't notice as I will most likely be sleeping.

The office situation has been interesting. Most of the women know I'm going to get surgery. I told one person what procedure I was having done, and one of my favorite coworkers guessed it. It was really funny. She had to work up to asking me what I was getting done. Finally she blurted out, "Are you getting boobs?" HA! She, and just about everyone that knows me, is excited.

So, there's my update. Later on tonight, I'll share some of the things I had to consent to in order to get my boobs.