Monday, December 12, 2011

Adventures As an Internet Sex Solicitor

So this is making me giggle, so I have to share. As this is Future Cat Lady Confessions, I fully intended on sharing the embarrassing stuff I constantly get myself into. Today's situation is a typical instance of my random "foot-in-mouth" experiences.

Two or three weeks ago I was hanging out with my wife (Long story... but I'm Wife #2 due to the amount of time I spend at this particular house) and was talking about how I was going to end up a starving stripper in the near future. I will be a starving student because:

A) I am by far one of the WORST dancers in the history of dancing (which my bookend is reminding me of as I'm typing this). Quit laughing, cat ladies aren't even supposed to now where to go dancing let alone how.


B) As most of you know, I'm starting school next month and am struggling with this whole "no money" thing. 

So, with these factors in mind, I giggled and said I was going to have to start making my boobs pay their way because I wasn't going to be able to support them anymore. My friend then told me how much fun pole dancing classes were and how she wanted to start doing classes again because they're an awesome workout. This sounded fantastic to me since I love group exercise classes and I've been having a really hard time motivating myself to do anything other than eat excessively.

So, I started looking around at pole fitness classes (and a good insurance plan for when I slip off and break my fucking neck) but didn't really find anything that sparked my interest. This morning I got an e-mail from my Living Social account that told me there was a pole dancing class deal for super cheap and I figured, "what the hell? I can afford to embarrass myself for $25.00." So I bought it and proceeded to try to send the deal to my friend so she could partake in the savings and join me in every male's favorite exercise class in existence. 

Let's just say, I have too many friends by the same name in my email address book. I know I clicked the correct one, but it sent to another individual. And one that I only (very) casually know. I don't even know how I have her email address in the first place! 

So, now that I have initiated contact by soliciting pole dancing company I immediately send an e-mail following the first to say, "whoops! Wrong e-mail!" But then I realize that maybe she might want to go with us (she knows all of us casually) and I can't just exclude her so I add in the old, "unless you're interested." I then got an automated response saying she was on vacation and would get my e-mail when she got back.

This caused me to wonder... I only got one automated response, and it was from a different last name than EITHER of the friends I'd just e-mailed. So, with a little bit of research in my "sent" folder, I discovered that, in a nutshell, I solicited an acquaintance for exotic dancing, apologized to someone I have NO idea who she is at all, and finally got the e-mail to the correct friend on the third, or fourth try.

I have started my life as a sexual deviant on the internet. Next up, donkey porn!