In my research, I have been coming across some fairly odd patterns that occur between friends. The one that's been pestering me lately is I keep hearing the phrase, "don't let a guy come between your friendship." Now, the phrase is not what's bothering me; we all know that to follow that advice is a really good way to live. You should never ever put some random dude over your BFF. That being said, I rarely hear it being appropriately used. In fact, 9/10 times the chick saying that is the person that just made a move on your boyfriend, and the other 1/10 is your boyfriend that just shoved his hand down your friend's shirt.
I mean, really... let's look at this a little deeper. How exactly can a boyfriend (aka BF) come between a friendship? Other than the general she just stops paying attention to her best friend (aka BFF) and only wants to be around her BF. While this is what this phrase was originally intended to be used for, that's NEVER actually the scenario that someone uses this phrase. Whenever this saying comes out it always has to do with some sort of romantic interaction between BF and BFF and when the girl finally says something about it she gets some crap-ass line of "Bros before Hos" or some shit like that.
Let's be honest here, just for a moment. It is incredibly rare that a BF can come between two BFFs who have a real friendship. In fact, most men are overjoyed that their girl has friends outside of the "relationship". This means he does not have to go shopping, listen to her bitch about work, or tell her if her pants make her ass look fat. She has a BFF for all of that. It also gives him time to go scratch himself while watching sporting events with his friends, or drinking excessive amounts of beer and watching scantily clad girls dancing around and acting like they'd really want to go home with him while serving chicken wings. It's a win either way for BF. Why would he want to come between his ability to have a good time?
It is highly unlikely that there would be an instance that a BF would want to come between BFFs, but, as I have put an enormous amount of time researching human behavior, especially in the romantic realm (not mine... DUH), I feel that I can shed a small amount of light on this issue. I believe there actually are a few ways a girl's boyfriend can "come between" her and her BFF. Allow me to list some examples:
- He tells her that he's going to leave her if she doesn't stop hanging out with that fat snatch of a friend. (This generally occurs after he is rejected by BFF)
- He mauls her BFF sexually and she gets upset at her BFF for "making a move" on her man
- Girl's BFF finds a guy so inappropriate that she stops talking to her friend until she dumps the loser douche bag
If you step over the line and come onto your friend's boyfriend, YOU are coming between your friendship. The guy is an idiot (obviously if he's falling for behavior that is fueled by your obvious lack of self-respect) and you are demonstrating you have no respect for yourself, your friendship, or (in situations where both friends have boyfriends) your own boyfriend. Double that lack of respect if you're doing all of this in a public environment. To blatantly come on to a man who is not your boyfriend sends a very clear message that you could give a shit about your friend or her relationship with you (which is exactly what a man displays while behaving inappropriately with a girl that is not his girlfriend).
No no no no... Ladies, allow me to offer a simple advice nugget to help you maintain your friendships with the people that SHOULD be a part of your life forever. Or, in a simpler explanation: How to keep a guy from coming between your friendship.
Don't act like the only way you can achieve validation is through sexual attention from the opposite sex. Flirting is fine and fun, but show respect for yourself, your friends, and the relationships of everyone involved and you might be able to come out of a social interaction without looking like a desperate tramp that is hanging onto the memories of being relevant in high school. Everyone makes mistakes in this realm, especially if they have pure intentions at heart (it's harder to see how someone could mistake the intentions behind your behavior if you don't think you're doing anything untoward), but own your shit if you cross that line.
Also... if that advice is too in depth... just try to GROW THE FUCK UP and stop trying to compete with your friends. You're either friends or you're not friends. Friends don't vie against their friends for attention from the opposite sex. I am grateful for the knowledge that I have surrounded myself with women (other than my cats) who are secure and happy with themselves and can go out and have fun with each other while leaving the petty, harping, passive-aggressive bullshit at home. There are reasons why there are jokes up to high heaven about women being mean and petty to each other. Break the mold ladies, there is more to life.
Off the soap box now.