Saturday, November 26, 2011

Really? Why Even Say That Shit?

So, every once in a while I get this wild idea that I'm going to go out and date. It always seems like a good idea. This time could be different! My friends are right, I can't just hide out with my cats! And whatever else might float through my head as I'm considering dating someone, (generally it involves the thought of "ooh, he's cute").

Recently I've been putting a lot of thought into stupid phrases that get dished out to people in relationships (both romantic and friendship). Do people ever listen to themselves when they say this crap? Today's pondering is fluttering around the break-up phrases...

Why is it when people are breaking up one of them feels the need to say, "you're so amazing" and "don't let anyone ever tell you you're not as wonderful as you are" or something along those lines? I've heard a variation of this particular thing a few times (even when I'm the one breaking it off) and it never ceases to irritate the fuck out of me.

Really, I'm amazing? Then how did we get to this point? And why would I let someone tell me differently? I'm not a huge fan of sitting around and having someone tell me how mediocre I am. I am quite capable of doing that by myself.

What is WRONG with people?? Why can't we just be honest about this shit? Breaking things off would be much less drawn out and full of anguish if people would just bypass the bullshit and say what the fuck is really going on.

For instance:

- You annoy the shit out of me and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life listening to you demand attention.
 - I hate your cat
- You snore
- I really liked the idea of you, but the reality is a little more ridiculous than I thought

and, my personal favorite,

- I just don't want to be with you anymore (heard that one... ouch, but it definitely helped on the moving along and not hanging on)

Really, it's the same thing as when people end up getting butt-hurt over a fling. Why tell the other person how much you want to be with them if you just want sex? Most people are okay with just having a happy little tryst. We don't need to hear about how you'd walk to the ends of the Earth to be with us, or that you can't live without us. Believe it or not, girls like sex too. Try something new and original. You'd be amazed at how well it works.

For instance:

- I'm not necessarily interested in a relationship, but I like you and I think we should hang out for a bit (used that before)
- I like hanging out with you, but I don't know if I want more (totally reasonable)
- I enjoy your company, but I'm busy as hell and don't feel like making time for you (used that one once or twice)

The reason why things get so fucking complicated in relationships is the bullshit (at least in my limited experience). Don't say things you don't know if you mean or not. If you aren't sure if you want a long-term thing, don't say you want a long-term thing, it won't change anything. I promise it won't. If a person wants to be with another person they will hang in there until the two of them can figure out if it develops into something you can't imagine not having, then great, but otherwise, save the other person the hassle of having to sort through all the crap you throw at them. It always confuses me to hear that sort of sappy conversation because I'm quite happy NOT hearing someone tell me they can't live without me. That makes me feel uncomfortable. It puts expectations on me, especially if I don't feel the same way (or if I don't know if I feel that way or not).

Now, nobody is perfect, we've all gotten carried away in the moment and said something a little more than how we really feel. It's not an intentional "I'm going to hurt your feelings" thing, but it happens. The best you can do is TRY not to say this shit, but if you can't do that, at least try to be cognitive that people actually listen to the shit that comes out of your mouth while you're trying to sneak into their pants.

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